“MYSTIQUE”
by Amanda Quick

Another re-read for this webpage, “Mystique” is about Lady Alice and Hugh the Relentless (see what I mean with aliases of the heroes?). Although, compared to “Mischief”, I find that I prefer the leading lady, Alice, over the witless Imogen.

The story is about a knight named Hugh the Relentless and Lady Alice as they search for the missing Stones of Scarcliffe via a certain green stone (an AQ must – mythical object that would bring our two characters together). Hugh’s has just been given back his home by his liege lord, Erasmus (brings to mind the sickness marasmus, don’t it?) and his people are a superstitious lot. Apparently, the manor has been through numerous lords who have not lasted for very long and the people believe it is due to a curse: “He who would discover the Stones and hold fast these lands, must guard the green crystal with a warrior’s hands”. Unfortunately, someone stole the green crystal just as Hugh went to reclaim his land and his search for it leads him to Alice, who strikes a bargain with him. In exchange for sending her younger brother off abroad to study and giving her a dowry large enough for her to enter a convent to continue her studies, Alice would join forces with Hugh and lend her intelligence to the task. That doesn’t seem like a fair bargain for me, but, whatever. Unfortunately, Hugh decides that they should be betrothed. Anyway, you can get all that with the synopsis you’ll find in the book. Alice is certainly up to the task, with intelligence, courage and daring more than a match for Hugh.

Hugh’s initial callousness and business-minded mien makes me want to strangle him during the start, but he, like all romance novel heroes, finally succumbs to love and the rest is a happily-ever-after tale.

And finally, I like Alice and I like Hugh (when you get past his men-are-supposed-to-be-logical façade). Heck, I like everybody in the story. This is another welcome addition to your bookcase.

“MISCHIEF”
By Amanda Quick

I read this before already but I re-read it so that I could write for PopTarts. From all my Amanda Quick books, I noticed that she has a certain theme (don’t all romance writers?) and this is true with this book.

It’s the story about Imogen Waterstone, aka Immodest Imogen, and Matthias Marshall, Earl of Colchester, aka Cold-Blooded Colchester (notice how AQ’s romance heroes always have to have aliases?). As far as romance novels goes, this has a certified “Amanda Quick” stamped all over it. I haven’t had the chance to read her books under her other alias, Jayne Ann Krentz, but as AQ, she has the mysterious, misunderstood hero… the unique (a nicer way of saying “odd”), Original, incredibly smart, but thoroughly ignorant leading lady down pat.

Maybe it’s just me, but though I admit to liking the main characters, I find Imogen a bit too trying. She irritates me with her high-handedness and twisted logic (and she’s supposed to be smart?) that I wish Matthias would just leave her and find me. Methinks she talks too much and ends up with the weirdest conclusions. And this is supposedly a product of a philosopher and feminist parents? Couldn’t she have, er, stuck to more comprehensible logic and traces of thought? Although I do have to admit that her constant questioning of Matthias’ nerves and sensibilities are quite funny, as Matthias utilizes it every time he wants to get Imogen to do something he wants and ignores it the rest of the time.

AQ’s plot is also quite predictable, something she has used more than once (“Mystique” comes to mind). An object of historic and mystical significance (in this case, a lost fictitious city called Zamar) that binds the two of them together, a search for a mystical and precious object (the Queen’s Seal). Likewise, murder plots abound while the main characters fall for each other under a pretension instigated for said search of the fictional object.

Still, it’s an easy read and if you’re looking for sugary sweet romance fiction without over-using your brain cells, then Amanda Quick’s “Mischief” is a book to read. And let’s all face it, who needs brain cells? It’s not like we all care about the murder when the characters are off doing the horizontal mambo (TrishÔ) in a dusty, moldy museum and trying out Zamarian love-making techniques of which we sadly don’t get the details of. It would be interesting how it would/might differ from the “Kama Sutra” of – dare I say it? – literature. But for those of you who enjoy misguided and misunderstood characters, who earn their reputation by misconceptions of the ton, then this is a welcome addition to your bookcase.

“VAN HELSING”
Starring Hugh Jackman (Gabriel Van Helsing), Kate Beckinsale (Princess [?] Anna Valerious), Richard Roxburgh (Count Vladislaus Dracula), David Wenham (Carl), Will Kemp (Prince [?] Velkan Valerious), Shuler Hensley (Frankenstein), Elena Anaya (Aleera), Silvia Colloca (Verona), Josie Maran (Marishka), & Kevin J. O’Connor (Igor)

I have a weakness for vampire flicks since I positively love their romanticized lives and I drool over Hugh Jackman and admire Kate Beckinsale (after watching her in “Golden Bowl”, with “Underworld” solidifying my fan-status). So, based on those, I’m sure you’ll understand that this movie can do no wrong in my eyes. Add the fact that David Wenham’s also in it (that surprised me) and his role is a thoroughly amusing one, especially for an LOTR freak who admired him as Faramir, then this is a DVD-must-have for me.

Now, I did some research, and Hugh is 6’2” or 6’2 1/2” while David is 6’. I feel the need to mention this since, in the movie, Van seems about half a foot taller than Carl and this is ‘cause he (Dave, not Hugh) slouched a lot to emphasize his geeky role. For some reason, his after-LOTR-role reminded me somewhat of Sean Astin’s thoroughly amusing Doug character in “Fifty First Dates”.

Anyway, enough about that. Van Helsing is a vigilante renegade who hunts and kills, if need be, non-human threats to humanity and civilization like gargoyles, monsters, and such. The movie opens on a wanted poster ad for our hero, calling him a murderer and offering a reward (200 or 2000 francs, if you’re interested). Van hunts, finds, fights, and finally, kills Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Since he was Mr. Hyde on top of Notre Dame, where they fought, and changed into Dr. Jekyll as he fell down, I can guess why people see him (Van) as a murderer and not saver or protector of the people.

Afterwards, he heads off to Rome for his next assignment. Apparently, he works for a secret sect of the Catholic Church that deals with the supernatural and his next task is to aid the Valeriouses in trying to destroy Dracula. In St. Peter’s Cathedral, Van meets up with Carl (Carl is to Van what Q was to James Bond) and tells him that Carl will have to accompany Van to “make sure [he] doesn’t die”. This doesn’t settle well with him since he’s not a field man but since orders are orders, he goes.

Anna Valerious is the last of the Valerious family who swore to find a way to kill Dracula. Actually, at the start, there are two of them left, her and her brother, Velkan, who ends up becoming a werewolf and dies. Their father disappeared a year ago and it’s believed that Dracula had something to do with it. We find out later that he was used in Drac’s experiment and ended up fried. Literally.

So off to Transylvania our hero and his sidekick go. Van receives a less-than-welcoming welcome (Carl: “Is it always like this?” Van: “Yes”) from the village people and Anna. But on the day he arrives, Dracula’s three brides (Aleena, Verona, and Marishka) also attack the village, possibly hoping to catch Anna unaware and kill her. He successfully kills one of them (villager: “You killed one of them!” Carl: “Isn’t that a good thing?”) and it’s during the fight that Anna recognizes who he is (Anna: “His name is Van Hal-seeng”). The people recognize the name and Anna compliments Van on his courage and the fact that he’s the first to kill a vampire in a hundred years. The rest of them, though, aren’t happy because now the vampires will probably attack for revenge, whereas before, they only attacked to feed, which was once or twice a month.

Here’s the rundown of the story: Van Helsing has amnesia and, weirdly enough, seems to be an immortal since he killed the human Dracula. Carl the friar is for comic relief and voice of exposition while Anna the gypsy girl can fight like a man (in movie speak, she’s called “tough”) and helps Van. Valerious’ ancestor is the father of Dracula (so they’re all basically connected) and there’s a buncha clues and how-to-kill riddles all over the place that Carl figures out. Dracula knows Van (calls him “Gabriel”) and Van apparently has got his ring which was cut off his finger, he’s also the son of ancestor Valerious and made a pact with the devil for immortality. He and his brides want to have kids, but them all being dead, they end up having dead kids too.

Enter Frankenstein and Dr. Frankenstein.

‘Ol Frank the monster (Carl: “Is he a man?” Van: “He’s seven men. Pieces of them, anyway”) is the secret to making Drac’s kids live. Drac has experimented numerous times and all have failed. If you guys watched “Underworld” then you’d know that the werewolves in that movie do the bidding of Drac. It’s no different in this movie where they maintain that folklore with a slight variation: werewolves retain a little bit of who they are (depending on how strong their will is) during their first full moon, before the curse can fulfill its course. Afterwards, they’re slaves to Drac’s will.

Carl figures out that the only thing that can kill Drac is a person who is of strong mind, prays at night, and all that other stuff (three guesses who). Conveniently, Van gets bitten by a werewolf – one he killed, WereVelkan, coincidentally – so he’s the special Drac-killer that Carl talks about. Dracula has a cure for the werewolf curse because, duh, he has to protect himself from the one thing that can kill him. So Carl and Anna look for that while WereVan defeats Drac. Unfortunately, after WereVan kills Dracula, the wolf thing gets to him. So when Anna shows up with the syringe cure, he attacks her, breaking her neck but not before Anna has shoved the syringe in Van-wolf’s abs. He howls as he changes… which is really cheesy but the sight of Hugh’s naked torso more than makes up for it.

And can somebody explain to me why when characters in movie change form (Velkan to werewolf, Van to werewolf, Bruce Banner to Hulk), all their clothes rip off and they’re left with a tattered pair of shorts which, when given the changes in their dimensions, should, by all rights, also have been torn off. And when they revert to their human form, that tattered pair of shorts covering their privates remains, when again, the changes in form should have rendered those rags too loose to hold on. Yes, I know they’re movies and frontal nudity would raise the rating to R or something, but still… that inconsistency always nags at me.

Anyway, Anna’s funeral thing is very cheesy and need not be discussed. Still, I guess it gives us viewers some idea of why Anna had to die. After all, from her family came Dracula and Dracula’s most passionate wanna-be killers and since Dracula’s dead and all… what more is there for her to do?

This is definitely a good movie to watch. Why? Well, for girls, there’s Hugh Jackman and his naked torso at the end of the movie. For guys, there’s Kate Beckinsale in tight-fitting black pants and black corset, kicking butt with a Transylvanian accent (she rolls her R’s) that my friend found weird and I found sexy, but that’s just me. For those who like the supernatural, the movie is filled with werewolves and vampiric lore, with some Frankenstein thrown in to satisfy your paranormal appetites. For those who like suspense and action, this movie also has a lot of it. For humor, you’ve got Carl.

The only down side for me, though, is that, in watching the movie, I actually found myself missing stunt guys. Whenever the movie called for stunts, computer graphics abound, even stunts where ordinary stunt guys would do just fine and can probably do it with their eyes closed. It must be a really lonely time for stunt people the world over, to watch their job openings decrease due to the increase in computer skills…

“HELLBOY”
Starring Ron Perlman (Hellboy/HB/Red), John Hurt (Professor Trevor Broom/Father), Selma Blair (Elizabeth/Liz Sherman), Doug Jones (Abraham 'Abe' Sapien), Rupert Evans (John Myers), & Karel Roden (Grigori Rasputin)

I don’t really know what the story is actually about but I heard that HB is another comic book character brought to life in the big screen. I don’t think it’s a Marvel comic since I used to read Marvel, so forgive my ignorance for not knowing where HB was spawned (if you’ll forgive the pun). Heh.

I was slightly disappointed by it, which was ironic since I wasn’t really expecting anything. The story isn’t really all that deep, something that has already been used before. It’s basically the same thing with different wrappings and presentation. The moral? It matters not your beginnings, only the choices you made. Wasn’t that already used in “Harry Potter” (check out book 2, “Chamber of Secrets”)? Wasn’t it also used in “Spiderman” where the choices made form who you are? Then again, who am I to complain since don’t all movies conform to one famous adage or another?

Anyway, HB or Red or whatever he wants to call himself was born during World War II. Apparently, the German were using supernatural forces to fight the war, with Rasputin (yes that guy from any “Anastacia” movie and, in history, of the Romanov reign) as its main wizard or whatever you call ‘em. He was in the middle of creating, er, some sort of worm hole to connect universes and find some banished chaos gods elsewhere. Prof Trevor, the head of the department of paranormal whatevers in the USA is there to stop them. But, in the height of stupidity, they don’t do anything until Rasputin has started it… and of course, once started, you don’t just blunder into something supernatural. So, of course, they have to wait. But they can’t ‘cause then Rasputin would’ve been successful, right? So they blunder in the middle of it all… ends up closing the wormhole, which Rasputin gets sucked into, and HB is born. From where? Don’t ask me. Guess worm holes are also asexual beings that spawn red-skinned, stunted-horned, tailed babies. It was Prof Trevor and the rest of the team that dubbed the little guy ‘Hellboy’ but Prof Trevor (whom HB will end up calling “Father”) decides to raise HB with love and goodness and all that stuff.

Years later, Prof Trev is all old and wrinkly and HB is looking like an over-gym-ed adult. Apparently, he ages differently than us lowly earth-toned-skin humans. He’s everything you could imagine a hell boy to be: loud, obnoxious, loves one-liners, rebellious, prefers to work alone, etc, etc. John Mayer is called upon to work as HB’s keeper because Prof Trev knows he’s about to die (‘coz he’s sick also though what he’s sick of is never mentioned) and, obviously, HB doesn’t like John and even resents him. More so when John crushes on the one girl he loves, a pyro named Liz Sherman.

What, you never saw a movie before? The love triangles and resentment of authority is pretty much normal fare.

Anyway, Rasputin gets resurrected by his ladylove, but he’s different, now he’s a puppet for some demon person. He releases more disgusting demons which HB and Abe (a fish-y telepathic prophetic smart guy) try to kill. But it’s not that easy ‘cause, y’see, there’s a catch: for every weirdo killed, two more are born. And not only that, each creature can give birth to others more. And it’s really not a pretty picture.

Aaanyway. The little eggs and all the adults die when PyroLiz bursts into blue flames and fries them all. All this after exciting fight scenes, of course. And that scene doesn’t kinda make sense because just a few scenes back, Liz tells HB that she can now control her power. Then when faced with the eggs, she asks John to slap her so she can light up her fire. But whatever, that’s besides the point.

As always, the good guys win, the bad guys perish; the hero was actually born to aid the demon in fully opening the worm hole and releases them chaos gods. But then HB, with John yelling for him to remember Prof Trev’s teachings, exercises his free will and decides to do the right thing. He also ends up getting the girl.

There’s a pretty funny part of the movie, when John walks Liz home and HB trails after them looking like a love-sick, er, red puppy. His one-liners are also pretty amusing.

If you want to watch it, then do so, but do so with the knowledge that you’ll only end up being mildly entertained during the hour and half of watching. If you’ve got nothing better to do, feel free to watch.

“THE ART OF WAR”
By Sun Tzu

Our friend, Kiwi, suggested that we PopTarters try reading “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu since we’re known far and wide as bookworms. The only difference between me and my fellow PopTarter, is that I’m picky and lazy so she’s more widely read than I am. Anyway, Kiwi went on and on and on about how great this book was so we couldn’t help ourselves, we took the bait and read it ourselves.

First off, it’s actually a really good book. And even if you don’t enjoy the book, I assure you that you’ll enjoy the stares people will give you as you pass them by and questions by those you know wondering if you’re really reading the book. I mean, just imagine the title: “The Art of War”, doesn’t that just scream ‘Academia Here I Come’?

On the surface, it’s basically a how-to on conducting war and it’s not just about any way to make war but on how to win each and every war. On a deeper level, you can use this in your everyday life because, let’s all face it, aren’t we faced with obstacles and conflicts day in and day out? If you don’t like reading books such as “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” and “Who Moved My Cheese?” then this book can also lead you on the road to success. The saying itself written at the back sums up the entire book, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle…” For doesn’t every road to success start with knowing oneself? After all, how can you get far when you can’t understand what’s right underneath your nose? And, in order to overcome an obstacle, you have to know and understand that obstacle.

TAoW might be a boring book for some, but if you just trudge through it all, you’ll learn a lot. Not just how to war in certain surroundings, with certain people, in certain situations, and how to spy on enemies properly but also how to deal with problems and failures in our everyday lives. These problems and failures are that which pave all our roads in life and this book is a how-to on dealing with those and teaching us to emerge from any obstacle, any failure, any conflict, any war victorious.